Complications of Chaos
by A Cookie Nomster
Summary: It's hard letting go of the past. Celestia's got a kingdom to rule and matters to keep in check, but she still has the insecurity of regrets. One day, she assures herself, they will be relinquished. They must be.
1. Introduction

'_Everypony thinks I am this perfect, infallible being, and have always been that way. I'm not. And I wasn't. I still have much to learn, and even nowadays, there are things that I truly regret. I wish I could go back in time and warn myself, tell myself that something bad was going to happen. That I was going to lose my best friend. That I was going to lose you and dad. That my world would turn upside down, and it'd be up to Luna and I to fix it.. If anything, I wish none of it happened in the first place. I wish I could go back to the times of watching fireworks and eating chocolate-filled cotton candy under the night sky. But I can't. I must move forward, and I will. Things are much better now, everypony in both Canterlot, Ponyville, Cloudsdale and beyond are all happy. I'll keep my head high, like you always told me to._

_Love you, Mom,_

PRINCESS CELESTIA'

The letter was rolled up into a tidy scroll, and tossed into the fire, the Alicorn watching the flames lick at the scroll until it disappeared. The princess never had a clue of whether or not her letters reached her parents, since heaven seemed to be an unreachable place, but it helped the royal vent. It wasn't like she could go whine to her younger sister, or to her royal adviser about her problems that she hid so well. No. Composure is a must. No need to worry the subjects. Holding her head high, Celestia stood from her chair in the throne room and trotted out; there were matters that needed tending to.


	2. Fireworks and Chocolate-Cotton Candy

It was somewhere close to midnight, and the whole kingdom was, or should've been, asleep. Princess Celestia was restless, tossing and turning under the comforter on her large bed. She released a loud groan from her mouth, finally laying still as she stared up at the paintings on the ceiling above her. It was something she and her mother were working on, almost like a photo album, they'd paint memorable days or happenings onto the ceiling so that when no one else was around, you could look to the heavens for a story. _TAP._

Celestia bolted up, hooves shoving the covers off of her frame as she swung her hind legs over the side of the bed, staring at the window. _TAP. _Slowly and reluctantly, the Alicorn inched toward the window, poking her nose through the curtain to see what was hitting her window. "Took you long enough!" A voice called from below, and the princess hushed him, throwing a glance over her shoulder to check the coast. All clear.

"What are you doing?" Tia asked, a slight aggravation in her voice. Why was he here so late? He got past the guards, obviously, she'd give him that.. but why? Tossing a pebble into the air, then catching it again, the Draconequus shrugged. "Didn't you want to see the fireworks?" He inquired, as if his reason for being here was so blatantly obvious beforehand. "Well, yeah, but.." "Then come on!" He grinned, and she could see his two fangs gleaming brightly in the moonlight.

"But daddy will find out." She protested further, though really, she yearned to go. "Not if you're quiet." The male countered impatiently. "Come on, Tia, you're getting boring." The pinkette flushed, huffing out, "I am _not_ boring." Celestia said quickly, and in response to the silence, used her shaky magic skills to float down to ground level, where her best friend waited. "About time." The princess gave a small smile, then walked past of him and out of the courtyard, the Draconequus not a step behind.

So there they sat, staring up at a star-scattered night sky, a large bag of cotton candy sitting between them. Celestia had her legs folded under her body, chin resting on the cool grass. Ardor (Discord's name of so long ago) laid on his back, hands behind his head, one occasionally popping out to snatch a puff of the sweet. He tossed a handful to Celestia, and she caught it in her mouth with ease, the cotton candy melting on her tongue, cool liquid chocolate bursting out a moment later. Swallowing, the Alicorn smiled to the Draconequus. "Thanks.." The male across from her only raised a brow.

"What are you on about?" He questioned, looking at her as if she'd gone mad. "I'm having fun. Thanks for going to the trouble." "The cotton candy was only five bits." "I didn't mean that, silly." She giggled, and he grinned, proud of himself for making the usually stiff princess laugh. "It's no problem. I figured you needed to loosen up, anyway." Ardor said casually, returning his crimson gaze to the sky. Smiling to herself, the pinkette laid her head back down, closing her eyes as she inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of mid-summer.

"Tia, I want some!" A young, all-too-familiar voice chimed, causing both of the teens to jump and turn around. "Luna! What are you doing here?" Celestia asked, purple eyes wide as she stood, looking down at the younger filly. "I asked momma if I could come with you guys. She said yes!" The older Alicorn groaned slowly, and Ardor hit a paw against his forehead. "Sure.. you can have some." The Draconequus said reluctantly, nudging the bag of chocolate-filled cotton candy towards the youngest, who took a hoof-full upon contact, shoving the sweet into her mouth. "Just don't tell dad, okay? He'd freak."

Luna nodded in absentminded agreement, stopping when another voice made his presence known. "And I'd _hate_ to freak out." This time, it was all three of the children who jumped, and Celestia felt her heart start beating faster as she lowered her head. She couldn't meet her father's disappointed gaze. Luna, however, seemed almost unaffected after a moment, running to hug her father's leg. "I found them, daddy!" She said brightly, mouth full of pink and brown stains. "Thank you. Run along, now." Nodding, the youngest trotted back towards the palace, escorted by two guards.

"Celestia Genevieve Evianna Soleil." The king said slowly, restraining his anger. His daughter cringed, finally lifting her gaze to meet his stern one. "Yes, father?" "What have I told you about sneaking out at night? It's dangerous! Much less with this," the stallion glared in Ardor's direction, "street urchin." "He is _not_ an urchin!" She persisted, receiving her own glare, which made her inch back. She could tell he had more to say, but instead, merely scoffed and turned away, trotting off. "Say goodbye to your _friend_, and be back at the palace in five minutes." "Yes father."

"What a prick." Ardor finally retorted, arms crossing over his dark chest. "He's just protective, really.. daddy's not that bad when—" "If he likes you." "Ardor.." Celestia placed a hoof on his shoulder, the unspoken apology in her crystal-colored eyes enough for her friend to soften his own gaze. "I'll see you tomorrow, usual place. Okay? No good getting you in trouble." He said, his boyish grin slowly resurfacing. She could only giggle. "Yeah,"

There was a moment of silence, broken by the Draconequus turning to walk away, waving as he disappeared into the night. "We're exploring tomorrow." Nodding with a genuine smile, Celestia took her leave once she heard her father call, trot picking up pace into a run. "Sorry." "It won't happen again." "No sir." "Cosmos.." The Queen Galaxia laid her nuzzle against her husband's, who forced himself to calm down. "Either way, it's time for bed. Up you go." He said in a quieter tone, nudging his two daughters toward the staircase before leaving to the throne room.

"Sorry, Tia." Luna said quietly, laying down beside her sister. "It's okay. I shouldn't have gone out in the first place." "But Ardor would have been lonely." The younger noted, and Celestia couldn't help but smile. "You're right, he would've been. Now go to sleep." "Night, Tia." "Good night, Lu.


	3. Go Play Pretend

**AUTHOR UPDATE: Hey guys. Sorry for the wait, life has been pretty hectic. Anyway, between each dream, daydream, flashback, or whatever, I'll have an in-betweener. Sometimes it may be short, sometimes it'll be long. But here's another in-betweener, and I'm working on the next chapter now.**

"Tia," a soft voice called, and the elder princess was pulled from her dream. Her vision was blurred, and she thought she saw Discord standing before her, doing everything in his power to wake her. But just as her eyesight cleared, there sat Luna, frowning in frustration. "Tia!"

"I'm up." Celestia shoved a hoof in her sister's direction, dragging herself out of the bed and to her hooves.

"You were crying." Luna whispered, eyes losing their tenseness and gaining worry. "Was it a nightmare?"

Celestia paused, then wiped at her nuzzle, shocked to find tear stains. "Y-yeah, nightmare." She mumbled, for once, so unsure of herself, so unnerved by that one dream. No, it was a memory, wasn't it? That night under the stars, eating candy without a care? The world, all at once, just perfect in it's wonderful chaos.

"What was it about?"

"What are you, my therapist?" The princess chuckled, but the forced laugh came out choked and weak. It had been so long, so she thought she had reason to think that all that.. was in the past. Those endless days of laughter, of sneaking out, of doing things a princess shouldn't do, of him making the world.. her kind of perfect. Unexpected. Beautiful in its own way. It was the kind of world that one would have to unwind and let their mind adjust to it. Almost like an illusion.

"TIA."

This time, Celestia jumped out of her fur. "I'm sorry. I-I was.."

"You need a mental health day." Luna said matter-of-factly, more to herself than anyone else. "I'll inform the guards."

"But—"

Luna stopped mid-step, turning to give a tiny smile. "Go play pretend."


	4. You Can't Have It

"Go play pretend…" Celestia mumbled to herself thoughtfully, mulling over the familiar words. It was what she'd tell Luna when the younger was out of sorts, or vice versa, when the elder was under stress. Sometimes they'd go together, other times alone. It was a sort of game they developed, one that would help calm nerves.

And so, Celestia chose a hall with towering stained-glass windows, each window telling a story. And, more specifically, Discord's story. At the far end of the hallway was where the elements were stored, and because of that, one could practically breathe in the magic of this particular area.

A simple illusion spell was cast, and the doors of the room locked, creating a world of memories in the narrow hallway. Reopening her radiant purple eyes, the princess was welcomed by a meadow of flowers, a blue sky tainted with white puffs of cloud overhead, and a warm breeze blowing through her mane.

Across the way, a white filly with cotton-candy pink hair trotted in a circle, calling someone's name over and over in a sing-song tone, as if trying to get his attention. "Ardor," the young pony finally stopped galloping around, and plopped down onto the tall, green grass.

The draconequus opened one yellow-red eye, brow furrowing. "What?"

"We're here for a _reason_." She reminded him huffily, folding one leg over the other, staring the male down.

"Right," Ardon sat up lazily, scratching the back of his rather long neck. "What was the reason again?"

The younger Celestia rolled her eyes, using a spell to have a gust of wind blow in his face, nearly knocking the both of them over. She giggled, quickly making an attempt to recompose herself. "Magic lessons. 'Member?"

The draconequus gave a small nod, as if she wanted this more than he, the student, wanted it himself. "What are we learning today, O Wise One?"

"Um.." The filly glanced around the area, contemplating what object she'd have him transform today. They'd already made cotton candy ten times better, turned things upside down, made somewhat-simple illusions.. "Make those apples grow."

"Seriously?" Ardon rose a brow, then looked over at a nearby tree, apples spotting the green shrub. "That's simple, even for you."

"I'll ignore that comment." Celestia murmured, then stood to all four hooves. "It's a lot harder than it looks, especially since I want you to make _all _of them grow at the same time, not just one."

"Oh?"

"You've got to concentrate your magic on the apples in general, not just one."

"But you can't look at _all _of them at the same time," observed Ardon.

"Point taken," the pinkette nodded, pushing her mane out of her eyes and behind an ear. "Alright, look at it this way. You're staring into a bucket of apples, all gathered into one spot rather than scattered like on a tree."

"And then what?"

"Concentrate your magic into the bucket of apples, and…"

The tree her purple gaze had been locked on suddenly shook violently, the fruit it harbored growing in size by the second, until they were roughly the size of a carriage.

Proud of herself, Celestia sat back down, beaming back at the draconequus. "Your turn."

Ardon leaned back on his hands, staring up at a tree. About a minute passed, and just as he was ready to rip the tree from it's roots and toss it into oblivion, the ground shook, and not two, but three of the tree's fruit grew immensely. A smirk perched itself on the male's lips, and he tossed his gaze to his friend, who was baffled.

"That's not fair! How did you make _three_ of the tree's apples grow?" She marveled, slightly jealous, but the rest of her expression showing just how proud she was of her work. For a couple months now, she'd been teaching him how to cast spells, most were simple, others difficult. But she was, overall, satisfied with his progress.

"It's plenty fair. Just goes to show how much better I am."

"Now, now, don't get all arrogant," Celestia prodded, then stood, nodding towards the gate across the field. "We should get going."

"Aww, come on Tia, aren't you up for a little adventure?"

"Ad..venture?"

"Sure, you need to learn a few things, too. Let's see… I think we should go flying." Ardon grinned, but the expression quickly faded when he saw the other shrink back ever-so-slightly. "What now?"

"I-I can't fly yet.."

"Nonsense! That's the whole point of you _learning_. Duh." The draconequus rolled his eyes, then wrapped a lengthy arm around his friend's neck. "C'mon, it's a perfect day for flying lessons."

"You remember that day, don't you? Clear as glass." A rough voice made the real Celestia, the one who'd been observing the distant memory from afar, jumped. She felt the grass rustle beside her, and slowly turned her head.

"Of course I do, Discord." She whispered, eyes wide in surprise.

"What? Did I disappoint you?" The male smirked, laying down on his stomach and holding his face in his lion paw and eagle claws.

"N-no. I just… how'd you get here?"

"When you trapped me in that statue, do you think I liked sitting around as stone all day?"

"Well, no, but—"

"So I channeled what magic I could to escape. Not as much escape as walk among memories, the one place I find you to be so fragile." Discord hummed a note, brushing a lock of Celestia's mane, tucking it gently behind her ear.

"My memories, you mean?"

"Ours."

Celestia stared into his eyes, then shifted her gaze to the ground, gently resting her muzzle on the ground. "I'm not sure that I understand."

"See, whatever memories you and I have of our childhood, I can wander around in those. Any other memories, for example, of Twilight's, those are locked away. I can only access mine."

"How much magic does it take?"

Discord scoffed, and she couldn't tell if he was impatient or teasing her. "Here I came to see you, and you're asking me how much _magic _it takes. Gosh."

There was a moment of silence, neither awkward nor comfortable, and of course, the draconequus was the one to break it.

"You haven't changed, Tia."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Celestia lifted her head, curious eyes gazing in his direction. She'd been told by many, former nannies, guards, advisers, even Luna, that she'd become much wiser, a much better leader.

The male smiled a smile that seemed… gentle, almost. It was foreign to the princess, yet warmly familiar. It was the kind of expression she missed most. "You're still a little filly roped into being a full grown mare with responsibilities. But all you want is peace. All you want is fun." His facial features shifted, and he turned away. "But you can't have it."

Another silence came between the two, and Celestia, on the verge of tears, couldn't bear it. She broke the illusion, and the magic washed away the memory, along with Discord. "I-I'm not.."


End file.
